Angel
by ThisIsWhereMyPseudonymShouldBe
Summary: I always dreamed dreams that have never been dreamed by any other mortal so I guess I have to become an angel to fly.
1. Chapter 1

_**Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.**_

Crazy.

Eccentric.

Absolutely Insane.

These are the insults that are usually thrown at me because I dared to be different. I dress the way I do because it's me and nothing will change who I am. I thought these thoughts while trying to stay grounded out of fear of breaking. I caught a glance at the razor sitting on my vanity. Weak. My mind screamed. Worthless. Unneeded. I felt my strong resolve begin to weaken.

_September 13, 2012_

_Dear Diary, _

_I can feel myself breaking piece by fucking piece. I'm tortured everyday at school and I'm tired of it. Now wouldn't it be grand to take the pistol by the hand… and blow my brains out. I haven't sleep in three days every time I close my eyes my life flashes before me. You know that saying one day your life will flash before you're eyes make sure it's worth watching… watching my life is at the same level of a horror movie to me. I'm scared of my past and I'm not sure if I have a future. Look at me a senior in high school contemplating suicide, pathetic absolutely pathetic. Well it's almost time to leave for school so I'll put my smile on like I put on my jewelry and act like I'm happy… no one can see past my acting and I plan on leaving this world tonight _

_Sincerely Yours,_

_ Imogen Maria Moreno_

I closed my journal and slid it beneath my bed. I stood up and started to get ready, I grabbed my towel and headed towards my bathroom. I stripped and looked at myself with disgust in the mirror. Cuts traveled up my arms and some stray ones scattered across my stomach and thighs. Disgusting. I stared at my reflection directly in the eyes. My brown eyes were hallow of any emotion and my cheeks were slightly sunken in showing my self deprivation of any nutrition. My skin shown a ghostly white and my eyes had deep purple bags surrounding them. I'm basically wasting away. I quickly shook those thoughts from my head I muttered to myself "14 hours, 30 minutes, and 45 seconds left on this God forsaken planet." I stepped into the shower and cleansed myself letting the soap seep into the cuts and burn even further. I found myself back at my vanity and I began putting my happy face on and applied a generous amount of makeup to cover the dark circles and the other flaws on my face. I got dressed in my uniform and a black and gray striped hoodie. I pulled my black knee-highs and my gray uggs. I felt numb as I left my house. Less than 14 hours. I smiled to myself as Degrassi came into view… last time I'll enter these doors, walk these halls, listen to the teachers talk... my thoughts came to a halt when I heard someone screaming my name.

"Imogen…" Fiona yelled running towards me as fast as her Gucci heels would allow her to go.

"Hi," I responded trying to sound as happy as her.

"So I've got this great idea…." I tuned her out as I scanned the campus taking all the scenery in.

"Hey, I'm gonna head to class early so I got to go," I said before heading into the building, not waiting for her to reply.

"Okay remember movie night at my loft on Friday," she yelled as I made my way through the doors. I slowly walked towards my locker taking notice of a piece of paper taped to my locker.

"Hey stranger," I smiled reading this. " so do you want to come over later and watch a movie (of your choosing, of course)?" the note read. I choose to ignore it knowing I was going to be busy tonight.

O.o.O

The day dragged on slowly I talked to my friends and they seemed convinced that nothing was wrong... perfect. I sat in drama class rerunning the plan through my mind.

"Imogen..." Mrs. Dawes called me out. "Dave and you are gonna do a scene." she announced before walking towards her improv box and pulling a slip out. "Mental breakdown" she announced with flourish.

"Okay" I said before disappearing behind the curtain with Dave in tow.

"So which one of use is gonna be crazy?" Dave asked rubbing his hands together.

"I will, it should be easy," I answered monotone the closer I got to the time the more the more my faux happiness diminished.

"Okay let's go," he said gesturing for me to go out first.

"I can't," I screamed running out on stage.

"Please just tell me," he coaxed keeping his distance as I held my head.

"What do you want to know," I lashed out. " do you want to know I watched my uncle commit suicide, do you want to know that I slit my fucking wrists, or that I was this close" I screamed holding my fingers an inch apart " to sending a bullet though my brain. Do you want to know that the shrink has to administer antipsychotics just so I don't have to think about it." I screamed pushing myself so much into character that I was actually speaking truth.

"Calm down it's okay now, it's all okay," Dave tried to calm down my "character".

"No it's not okay it's never ok-" I was cut off by the final bell ringing.

"Sadly that's where we'll have to end today," Mrs. Dawes dismissed. I grabbed my bag and hurried out of class. I didn't even bother to stop by my locker, I don't need books where I'm going. I rushed out of the building and ran down the street not caring what people think. While I was running I felt like I was flying to some distant land where I could be me without repercussion, but sadly I only came to my front door. I fumbled with my key and after three attempts I finally opened the door I quickly abandoned my school bag and ran up the stairs, I have a lot of writing to do before eight tonight. I sat at my desk and pulled a blue pen from the cup of pens placed on the top right corner my desk. "Where shall I start?" I asked aloud tapping the pen to some song beat "Fiona." I then whispered

_Dear Fiona,_

_Hey Doll if your reading this it means I have successfully joined the afterlife. I'm sorry that it has to come to this but I'm sure it's the only way out. If I by some miracle live through this promise me one thing, don't say it gets better. I love you and you were one of my few close friends that have kept me alive this long. I don't want my death to be over exposed so can you not show this letter to anyone else, those who need a letter will get one, those who don't wont get one simple as that. I will also ask that you do not mourn to much, your so pretty with a smile on your face I'd hate to see it go to waste… I rhymed so it must be true. You remember that was one of the first things I said to you that first day of drama class. Move on and chase your dreams._

_ Love Always,  
__ Imogen Maria Moreno_

"Next Eli," I muttered reaching for a clean sheet of notebook paper.

_Dear Eli,_

_Hi Dr. Doom your probably wondering why I did this… well it's a long story, but to keep it short everything I said in Drama class was true plus some. I can't deal with things like that I'm not strong like you. I wish you and Clare well you two should open your eyes and see that your right for each other I should've never messed with you two. I'm sorry that I did this but I can't live any longer, no one cares. Not saying that you and my friends don't but you guys never saw I was slowly dying inside because I'm a good actress. Well I encourage your smiles and expect you won't cry (The End reference just for you I know you love The Black Parade, hey maybe my death will come in the form of a parade, buy a Ouija board and I might contact you… just kidding Don't Mess With Ouija Boards.) I could always joke with you and I loved that… I'll miss you, but don't miss me too much you have Clare, Adam, Fiona, Cece, and Bullfrog. I love you and I don't mean to hurt you in anyway._

_Remember Me as I was,  
__ Imogen Maria Moreno_

"I guess I have to leave one for my parents," I sighed this is harder than I ever imagined.

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_Hello. Let me start by saying this is not your faults if anything its mine. I've been tortured not just by the kids at school but by my thoughts. They're killing me and breaking me and I just can't take it anymore I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not perfect and I'm sorry I have gone down this road but I'm so far deep that I can't pick myself back up and move on. I can't wait to leave this planet it's been eating away at me for so long and I'm finally going to be set free. I love both of you so much and I want you to move on after my death I can't deal with the guilt that you two can't move on because you had to bury your daughter before her time, but I solely believe it is my time I'm not of use to this world so why waste the oxygen. I love you and goodbye._

_ Your Daughter,  
__ Imogen Maria Moreno_

"Adam," I whispered this is probably gonna be the hardest.

_Dear Adam,_

_Hey Stranger sorry I cant make it to the movie I was a little busy… okay I won't joke this is a serious matter. You know when we first met and you called me phsyco well surprise! You were right I am mentally unstable, but you didn't cause this if one thing you've been my rock for the last couple of months and I love you for it. I love you don't forget that you were the best thing to ever happen to me. Remember our first date when we went to see Gnomeo and Juliet and all the kids looked at us like we were insane… yeah I do too and then that theater guy to us to calm ourselves… good times. I'm sorry if your sad I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you, I love you, I LOVE you and I believe you can live past this and own that comic book store you always dreamed of having. I just wish things didn't have to end this way but can you please understand the circumstances… I can't believe I'm about to do this, but it has to happen don't hurt yourself it's a horrid habit and I don't want you to. I'm sorry._

_ I love you, Adam Torres,  
__ Imogen Maria Moreno_

I finished the last letter and set it in the stack with the rest. 7:45 p.m. my clock read. "Fifteen minutes," I gently whispered taking out my diary and the gun I had concealed under my bed. Thirteen minutes were passed by me pacing in my room while listening to my iPod. Two minutes I picked up the gun and my phone. "I'm sorry, but I have to fly to dream. And I always dreamed dreams that have never been dreamed by any other mortal so I guess I have to become an angel to fly, but if stay on this earth I will continue to just be a fallen angel" I texted all my contacts as tears slid down my face. "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1" I counted down softly when I hit one I pulled the trigger….

_**I have to be an angel to fly….**_


	2. The Aftermath

_**Adam**_

I tapped to the beat of The-Sharpest Lives as I drove down to my girlfriends house usually I would call or text but I lost my phone in that mess I call a room. I laughed to myself as I pulled into her driveway, I could see her lights on in her room and I could hear Panic! at the Disco playing through the slightly opened window. I quickly unbuckled and hurried to the door and rang the doorbell… no answer, but the doors unlocked and Imogen probably can't hear me over her music so I just entered her average sized townhouse.

"Imogen," I called upon entering the foyer. "Immy," I yelled again starting to get worried. I ran up the steps and rushed to her door. I slammed the door open and gasped at what I saw. Her body lay lifeless in a pool of blood she gripped a gun in her hand and cuts lined her wrist. In reality it looked like something right out of a horror movie. I ran out of the room in search of the landline, tars streamed down my face as I dialed 9-1-1.

"9-1-1 what's you emergency?" The operator asked in a serious tone.

"My girlfriend I think she committed suicide," I whispered into the receiver, but the operator seems to have heard me completely fine.

"Address?" She then asked more sympathetic than before, I gave her the address and then after talking about the details for a bit I hung up. I slowly made my way back upstairs I saw some letters on her desk and I guess they were her suicide notes mine was on top hinting that she had written mine last I picked it up and began reading.

_Dear Adam,_

_Hey Stranger sorry I can't make it to the movie I was a little busy… okay I won't joke this is a serious matter. You know when we first met and you called me phsyco well surprise! You were right I am mentally unstable, but you didn't cause this if one thing you've been my rock for the last couple of months and I love you for it. I love you don't forget that you were the best thing to ever happen to me. Remember our first date when we went to see Gnomeo and Juliet and all the kids looked at us like we were insane… yeah I do too and then that theater guy to us to calm ourselves… good times. I'm sorry if your sad I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you, I love you, I LOVE you and I believe you can live past this and own that comic book store you always dreamed of having. I just wish things didn't have to end this way but can you please understand the circumstances… I can't believe I'm about to do this, but it has to happen don't hurt yourself it's a horrid habit and I don't want you to. I'm sorry._

_I love you, Adam Torres,  
__Imogen Maria Moreno_

I felt my body go numb and angry tears. "If you loved me you wouldn't have left me on this earth alone," I screamed at her lifeless body. I heard a knock on the door and I knew it was the EMTs. I shuffled downstairs numbly and greeted the medics as the looked at me with empathy. "She's upstairs third door on the right," my voice came out as a hoarse whisper. They quickly went upstairs to collect her body.

"You should head home son, get some rest we'll call you in the morning if we find anything, oh and can you give these letters to their rightful owners?" an officer asked from behind me.

"Okay," I whispered before walking out of her house and to my car. I sat there for a few seconds before deciding where to go first and driving away. After about ten minutes I pulled up to Eli's house, I exited my car and walked up to his front door. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

"Hi Adam," Cece's cheerful voice greeted, "Eli's not here right now he's out with his cousins."

"Oh that's okay can you give him this," I asked gently handing her the folded piece of paper.

"Oh yes I sure can," She answered

"Okay bye," I waved and turned on my heel to leave

"Now Fiona," I sighed this wasn't gonna be easy Imogen was her best friend and no one knew we were dating so its gonna be awkward that I found her. I thought whilst driving and blasting Lying is the Most Fun. I arrived at Fiona's loft in under five minutes and I quickly ascended the stairs and knocked on her door.

"Coming," I heard her scream from inside before a appearing in he p.j.s and a green face mask.

"Hi Fiona," I stuttered, "this is for you." I said handing her the paper before whispering "I'm sorry, but can you wait till I'm gone to read it I can't endure anymore pain tonight."

"Wait what?" She asked but I was already halfway down the stairs.

O.o.O

I entered my house and almost instantly I could hear a girl giggling… Oh my God Katie's here. I grimaced I'd have to pass both of them to get to my room. I hung my head low and made a run for it I slammed into my room not acknowledging Katie and Drew's questioning glares. The first thing my eyes fell on was a picture of me and Immy at a carnival. "God Dammit," I screamed "Why'd you have to leave?" I screamed again collapsing onto the cold hardwood flooring of my room.

Drew's POV

"God Dammit," Katie and I heard Adam curse "Why'd you have to leave?" we then heard followed by a thud.

"Uhh… I think we should check on him," Katie suggested slowly looking towards his door.

"Sure," I responded standing up and walking towards my little brothers bedroom door with Katie in tow. "Adam you okay?" I asked through the slab of wood separating us.

"No… can you just please go away?" He begged but I wasn't going to listen.

"No you hurt and I want to know why," I persisted. Slowly I heard the wood creak and he opened the door his cheeks were stained with tears and his blue eyes shown with pain and sadness. "What happened?" I asked looking straight into his eyes.

"Nothing…" he mumbled in response.

"We both know that's not the truth people don't just cry and scream obscenities for no reason," Katie commented finding her voice.

"Okay you wanna know?" Adam seethed obviously angered by what Katie had said "Imogen's dead she committed suicide. She's gone." He screamed.

"Why should you care?" Katie asked.

"Why should I care?" He screamed "I should care because she was my girlfriend," he sobbed before retreating back into his room and slamming the door.

"Why'd you have to say that?" I asked my girlfriend with a glare.

"I didn't think he had any relationship with her," she answered and I just rolled my eyes, "well I'm gonna go good luck."

"Bye," I waved as she made her way upstairs.

Adam's POV

I continued destroying my room. I was angry at the world, at society, and at everyone who's ever looked down on her. I was mad at myself for not noticing and the one person I'm most angry at makes me feel the most guilty. I'm angry at Imogen for leaving me and I know I shouldn't but I just don't understand the circumstances. "I'm so angry she's gone," I stated to no one

_**Fiona**_

"Wait what?" I questioned but Adam had already disappeared. I'm surprised he came I mean we haven't talked since our breakup. I turned my attention to the letter he handed me. "_Fiona" _was written on the front in what looked like Imogen's writing, now why would Adam be giving me something from Imogen I didn't even know they were friends. I unfolded and smoothed out the paper and began reading it…

_Dear Fiona,_

_Hey Doll if your reading this it means I have successfully joined the afterlife. I'm sorry that it has to come to this but I'm sure it's the only way out. If I by some miracle live through this promise me one thing, don't say it gets better. I love you and you were one of my few close friends that have kept me alive this long. I don't want my death to be over exposed so can you not show this letter to anyone else, those who need a letter will get one, those who don't wont get one simple as that. I will also ask that you do not mourn to much, your so pretty with a smile on your face I'd hate to see it go to waste… I rhymed so it must be true. You remember that was one of the first things I said to you that first day of drama class. Move on and chase your dreams._

_ Love Always,  
__Imogen Maria Moreno_

"Oh my God," I gasped tears flooding down my eyes. It was a time like this that I wish I didn't live alone. I thought of who I could call Mom… no she's probably too busy. Declan… no he probably has some high class whore on his lap right now. Holly J… perfect I ran to my room and unplugged my phone from my charger and the first thing I noticed was a text from Imogen. _"I'm sorry, but I have to fly to dream. And I always dreamed dreams that have never been dreamed by any other mortal so I guess I have to become an angel to fly, but if stay on this earth I will continue to just be a fallen angel" _When I read this I sobbed even louder she texted me I could've stopped this but I didn't answer. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and called Holly J.

"Hello," Holly J's tired voice greeted through the speaker.

"Holly J?" I questioned even though I knew who it was.

"Fiona, honey what's wrong?" she asked detecting the sorrow in my voice.

"Imogen committed suicide," I cried into the phone.

"Oh my God," Holly J gasped. "I'm so sorry."

"I just don't know what to do it wasn't expected at all and you know what's the weirdest thing Adam gave me her suicide note." I vented to Holly J because she's always been my rock.

"Hun I'm sorry, but I have to go my roommates getting mad at me for talking on the phone this late. I'll try to come up as soon as I can, just stay strong please," Holly J said sadly.

"Bye," I mumbled before hanging up. Everything around me looked gray and bleak as the feeling of numbness settled in, I can't believe she's gone.

_**Eli **_

"You're so dead when we get home," Kaitlyn screamed jokingly at Frankie.

"Oh no you didn't," Frankie shot back.

"We're home," I announced "Frankie you lived a good life," I smirked exiting Morty #2.

"Oh snap," Kaitlyn cheered as we entered my house.

"Eli," Cece called from the kitchen, "Adam stopped by to give you this." She said handing me a folded piece of notebook paper.

"Oh ok," I said before setting it aside.

"Aren't ya gonna read it?" Kaitlyn asked.

"Wasn't planning on it at this moment," I replied looking back at the piece of paper.

"Read it!" She demanded and looked at me with pleading eyes.

"You do know curiosity killed the cat, but okay," I said before opening it and clearing my throat "Dear Eli, Hi Dr. Doom your probably wondering why I did this… well it's a long story, but to keep it short everything I said in Drama class was true plus some. I can't deal with things like that I'm not strong like you. I wish you and Clare well you two should open your eyes and see that your right for each other I should've never messed with you two. I'm sorry that I did this but I can't live any longer, no one cares. Not saying that you and my friends don't but you guys never saw I was slowly dying inside because I'm a good actress. Well I encourage your smiles and expect you won't cry (The End reference just for you I know you love The Black Parade, hey maybe my death will come in the form of a parade, buy a Ouija board and I might contact you… just kidding Don't Mess With Ouija Boards.) I could always joke with you and I loved that… I'll miss you, but don't miss me too much you have Clare, Adam, Fiona, Cece, and Bullfrog. I love you and I don't mean to hurt you in anyway. Remember Me as I was, Imogen Maria Moreno… Oh my God." I finished absolutely crushed both Kaitlyn and Frankie had looks of sympathy etched across there faces. "No, no, no," I chanted over and over again hoping this was all some kinda nightmare, but no matter how many times I tried to wake up I didn't this was reality. No tears were shed though it was as if I had no tears to cry because she wasn't really dead this is all a joke and in a few minutes Imogen, Adam, and Fiona are gonna burst through that door and everything's gonna be fine. I lied to myself I knew deep down that that wasn't going to happen.

"Are you okay?" Kaitlyn asked gently as if I was a ticking time bomb.

"I'm not sure," I answered still holding out hope that my crazy theory was true. It's not, but I'm not ready to admit that, "I'm going to bed," I announced in monotone before walking upstairs silently. I sat on my bed for the longest time replaying her scene in drama class. "I don't want to believe she's gone." I mumbled to myself.

_**Imogen**_

"What have I done," I asked J.T. and Julia, my spiritual guiders.

"You may have not seen it when you were alive but those people care so much about you it's crazy how one death can cause that much but it's true." Julia explained softly

"It's about time you move into the light so you can become an angel. When you become an angel you can watch over your friends." J.T. stated "I still watch over Liberty all the time. I'm somewhat of a guardian angel." He smiled.

"And I watch Eli," Julia beamed. "It's actually kinda nice that he can move on and live his life."

"So this is it, I become an angel now," I smiled.

"Yes and I promise it's the best thing to see them move on, it shows how strong they are," J.T. encouraged.

"I'm finally happy," I smiled the first real smile in I've had since like forever.

**Authors Note- Ahhh I made it a two-shot yay! If y'all don't know I was trying to show the stages of grief (anger, depression, denial). And I added a little Holly J into the mix… God I miss Holly J and Zane why'd they have to graduate? Well I hope you enjoyed it! Review! **


End file.
